"Hello?"

A beat of silence, and then, "Hello, Buffy."

His warm greeting flooded into her heart, and she fell down on the floor, her back against the wall, her knees drawn up to her chest. "Hello, Giles."

"Dawn told you I phoned earlier?"

Buffy closed her eyes, and concentrated on the rhythm of his voice, not just hearing his words, but letting his velvety smooth voice coat over her, listening for every nuance and tone. Oh, how she missed hearing his gentle voice.

"Yes, she did. We actually had quite a nice chat during dinner."

Giles was silent again for a second, curious as to what that conversation would have involved. Then he swallowed and continued on. "I see, indeed, I think that's well and good. Um…I've talked to Andrew, and I have news you should know."

Buffy was the quiet one now. She already knew about Spike, but she wanted to see exactly what Giles would divulge to her. She knew Andrew had made him promise not to tell, and Giles wouldn't have taken to breaking a promise lightly. "Yes?" She prompted him.

Giles was sitting at his kitchen table, his glasses off, his finger pinching the bridge of his nose, and his eyes were tightly shut. Then his features relaxed slightly, in resignation he ran his hand through his hair, and then opened his eyes and focused his view on Buffy's letter sitting in the center of his table. He ran his fingers over the envelope. "Buffy, Andrew told me that Spike is…er…back…in LA. He's been there for some time, apparently. He was even involved somewhat in tracking Dana. I'm not privy on all the details as of yet, but I promise you I will find out everything I can and forward all information directly to you. Spike also supposedly told Andrew not to divulge his existence to you, but I knew I had to tell you."

Buffy, not quite ready to let Giles off the hook, nor sure what Giles feelings were in the matter, asked, "How long did you struggle with telling me?"

By her reaction, Giles could tell that Buffy had already learned the news. He let out a rush of breath, struggling with his emotions. "As you well know," he began a little testily, "I phoned you earlier today, but you were absent. I knew I couldn't keep it from you, no matter what Andrew promised, and I couldn't care less regarding Spike's feelings either."

In the past, Buffy would have gotten angry with Giles retort, and that's what Giles expected. But she surprised him with her comment. "No more secrets, huh Giles." She smiled into the phone softly.

Giles huffed for a moment, but Buffy went on before he could say anything more. "I appreciate you telling me about this more than you could ever know, Giles, but as you've probably guessed by now, I did already know. Andrew told me this morning when we met about Dana. He keeps secrets about as well as Willow."

Giles thought back a few years, when he had confided in Willow about leaving Sunnydale and heading back to England. He didn't think Buffy needed him anymore, but then Dracula had come and Buffy had felt the dark side, and had again asked Giles to be her Watcher. He stayed, and assumed Willow had kept his confidence.

In his silence, Buffy again lightly chuckled. "Yes, Giles, Willow told me about your decision to leave before Dracula. Don't worry, it was a long time afterwards when she confessed. That's not why I asked you to be my Watcher again. Andrew is worse than Willow. I'll amend that statement."

Giles just snorted.

Buffy slouched a little more into herself. Her posture was evidence that she wasn't as secure as her words seemed to profess. Giles was still being so silent. She was beginning to get more than a bit nervous. She had confessed all her feelings to him in those letters, but she was yet to know anything of his feelings for her, if he even had any. They were obviously rebuilding their trust with one another, as his phone call about Spike illustrated. It would take a long while to bring all their walls down that they had build up against each other over the years. Buffy felt she was trying. She had made the first tentative steps. Would Giles follow? Should she push him further? She didn't think so. It was his turn to make a move.

Giles tore his fingers away from Buffy's letter, and picked up his glasses off the table, pushing them back onto his face. He might as well get on with it, he thought. "So, what are your thoughts, Buffy?"

"I'm not sure which thoughts you want to know at the moment, Giles." She was teasing him, but only a little.

Giles frowned. He was being a prat, and berated himself for his schoolboy nervousness. He had been through many battles with his Slayer, with her, and sometimes against her. Why was this phone conversation so hard for him? Why was he suddenly so scared? He had her words here before him, confessions that she actually cared, and perhaps even loved him. If she felt even a fraction of what he felt for her, then that would be enough. So why was he so frightened now?

"Buffy, I…" he stuttered. "Oh, this is bloody ridiculous!" he fumed.

"What do you mean?" she asked softly. Did he mean that she was ridiculous? That her feelings were ridiculous? A small tear formed in the corner of her eye and slowly crept down her cheek.

Giles tightened his grip on his phone receiver, sat up in his chair, and gathered himself. "I need to know what your thoughts are regarding Spike. When you wrote your letters," he paused for a moment, took a deep breath, then continued, "it was before you knew Spike had survived."

Buffy wiped the tear off of her face. She was a bit relieved, because she thought she could sense in his voice that he did accept her, but was just afraid she would now not accept him. "Giles, oh Giles. What a mess we have here." She chuckled softly, but it was a sad sound. "Giles, Spike being back, or whatever you want to call it, well, it changes nothing. I mean, it changes things, I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, but when it comes to what I want from you, what I need from you, and what I feel for you, it changes nothing. Everything I wrote is still true. I just don't know how you feel. I know I told you not to respond before, because I wanted you to be sure of everything. I wanted you to understand exactly what I was feeling, how messed up I was, and how sorry I am for hurting you so much." She sniffed, and was softly weeping now. It tore at his heart. "I love you, Giles. I always have. Nothing will ever change that."

His silence continued to cut at her. "I don't know what you are thinking, Giles. You are scaring me here. You aren't mad, are you?"

"Mad? I could never be mad at you, Buffy. Frustrated, tense, frazzled, and desperate, but never mad." He sighed heavily. Yes, he was a prat, now more than ever for putting her through all this. "Buffy, you aren't the only one that tried to distance themselves over the years, to put up walls for protection. In that, I completely understand, because I have done it as well. Do you want to know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that you are the bravest person I have ever known. Even now, you are stronger than I. I have loved you with everything in me for quite a few years now. When Travers fired me, he was an idiot when he did it because he thought I had a "father's love" for you. Even then, I was hopelessly and equivocally lost in my complete love for you. And now I'm thinking that I've been a fool to push you away like I did. I pushed you into Riley's arms, and my leaving you because of my own selfish reasons left you vulnerable to Spike. I basically pushed you into the darkness, instead of being there for you. How can you love me after all the pain I've caused you?"

She could hear the tears in his voice. It moved her more than his words.

"Oh, Giles," she whispered. "How have we come to this?" She sniffed again, and leaned her head back against the wall. "How can I love you? How can I not? You gave up your entire life for me, always put me first even when I took you for granted, and until I was so lost that I couldn't find me, let alone could you find me and rescue me. There are so many reasons why we shouldn't love each other. There are so many obstacles, but…I don't think we should focus on those. I think none of those things matter. Not anymore. What matters is that we belong together. You know it, and I know it. We've been fighting it for so long, and it's time we stopped. We should bury all that pain along with Sunnydale in that crater. If anything, that's what Rome has taught me. It's a new beginning here, for all of us. But it's not complete without you here. I'm not complete without you. And it's time I showed you that, and acted on that, instead of hurting you. I have a lot to make up for with you, Giles."

She gasped for a breath, and then hurried to continue before he could say anything. "But, Giles, having said all of that, I also know that this has to be about you, or about us, and not just me. You need to do what is best for you. For once, think of yourself, put your heart first. If you need time, I understand. You've needed your own space for a while now, and I understand that. We've all needed a break from everything. And if you are not ready yet, that's okay. And, " with a shuttering breath she continued, "if you don't think you can ever be with me, I'll understand that too. I'll let you be. But I'll always love you. Always."

Again, silence. And then, with as much emotion as he could muster, Giles answered her. "I'll always love you, Buffy. I always have, and I always will. I could never deny you anything, including my heart. But I have to tell you, you must be sure in this, because I don't think I could ever forgive you if you are not serious in this, and I don't think I could survive it. To take this risk, to take this chance that we could be together as lovers, and not just friends, is a risk I'm frightened to take. Even in the past, I had our calling to rely on, and we always seemed to emerge as at least colleagues, if not friends. But once I take this step with you, I won't be able to go back. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Buffy let his words wash over her, and they resonated within her heart and soul. She knew exactly what he was telling her.

"Yes. I can hurt you like no other, just like you can hurt me like no other. You are afraid to lose what we've had, and what we have. You are afraid to lose your soul, just as I am afraid to lose mine. That once we cross this bridge, there is no turning back. I feel the same way. But Giles, we'll be across on the other side together, hand in hand, and that's all that matters. I know we'll survive, and be better for it, because we are two stubborn people that are better together as a whole. Together we can conquer anything, including love. But apart, we are hopeless and adrift and in the dark. I've felt that way for too long. I miss you, I ache for you, and I don't want to be in the dark anymore. Bring me to the light, Giles? Please? I know begging you like this goes against what I said earlier about letting you make the choice, and that I'd understand, but truthfully, I won't be complete without you. There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled with you. We've been running from each other for too long. We've always thought we should be independent, and stand on our own, that we should be strong on our own, but Giles, our entire existence we've been bonded together. We are supposed to be together. We are stronger together. And I think our love for each other will grow and be stronger…together. So, what do you say? Willing to give it a shot?"

Giles took his glasses off again, lying them beside the pink pages of her letter. Tears were in his eyes, but there was also a shine in their green depths, a glint that had been missing in his spirit for a long time now. He cleared his throat, and smiled softly into the phone. "As I said before, Buffy, I can never deny you anything."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Does that mean you'll come?"

He snorted, and then burst out in laughter. Buffy reviewed in her mind what she had just asked, and also squealed in giggles. "Giles, that's not what I meant! God, you are bad."

They both laughed for long minutes, releasing the tension from the phone call. "I like the sound of your laughter," Buffy said, a grin on her face.

"And I like the sound of your laughter as well. It's sweet music to my ears."

They both smiled into the phones, a comfortable silence between them. Giles replaced his glasses again, and stretched his long legs out before him into the room. He was more relaxed now then he had been in a long time. A decision had been made, and it was one he only thought would come in his dreams. "It will take me a few days to get my affairs here in order, but I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Hurry." Buffy requested, urgency in her voice.

"I will. I promise. And a promise to you, I keep."

Chapter 5