The morning sun fell across the sofa, and Carolee threw her hand up, placing it on her forehead to shield the bright light from her eyes. She had been awake for awhile now, reflecting on her life and the men in it. Giles was different, she knew. But she was still worried that she’d end up doing something to mess this relationship up just like she did all the others. She once read that people who were afraid of commitment, for whatever reason, sabotaged their relationships subconsciously. Was that her? Was that what she did?

She rolled over, pressing her face against the cushions to find the darkness that remained there. Then she sighed heavily. What would make things different this time?

For one thing, in all her past relationships, she was the lesser individual. Maybe not on paper, or even in reality, but that’s how she always had felt. She was the little girl, the innocent one, the one who said “How high?” when asked to jump. There was never a balance, no equality. It was never an equal partnership before. She had never been strong before. That’s what needed to be different this time. Where Giles was weak, she had to be strong. She had to be her own person, with her own convictions, and stand up for those beliefs whether he always believed in them as well or not. Sometimes she would be the little girl, but sometimes, he’d be the little boy. And that was okay. They had to have balance. They had to be partners. Or it would end like all of her other relationships, with her wound up tightly in a ball of tears, left alone again. Because a good man didn’t want a “Stepford Wife,” as Howard had said. A good man wanted someone to challenge them, share adventures with, give and take comfort from, support them no matter what, and a woman that was strong and confident in her own right. That’s what Carolee had to find within herself this time. That’s what Giles inspired in her, with his loyalty and quiet strength, and selflessness. She’d never met anyone as selfless as him. It was time that he was the receiver in a relationship, and not just the giver.

The house was so quiet. Carolee could hear the birds chirping outside, singing their morning songs. She flung back the blanket and tip toed down to the bathroom to shower quickly and change into some jeans and a t-shirt. She took her time using the blow dryer on her long brown hair, then she tied it into a pony tail with a pink hair ribbon she found in a drawer, and curled her bangs. She smiled at herself in the mirror. It was a new beginning, and she was ready.

Giles was standing in the living room holding back a curtain and peering out the front window when she came back from the bathroom. “It’s going to be a beautiful day, isn’t it?” She smiled at him as he turned towards the sound of her voice.

He dropped the curtain, never taking his eyes off of her, and smiled. “You look lovely, Carolee.”

She blushed slightly, the red rushing to the tips of her ears. “Thanks.” She walked over to the sofa and folded up her blanket, placing it neatly on the pillow.

“Are you ready for breakfast? There’s a nice patio café a few blocks down. I thought we could walk down there and take some morning tea at an outside table.”

Carolee nodded, although her stomach didn’t feel like receiving food any time soon. It was clenched with anxiety, which she knew was stupid, but tell her tummy that.

Giles opened the door for her and they walked down the sidewalk in a companionable silence. It truly was a glorious morning. They were both just in their shirt sleeves yet were perfectly comfortable. Giles wore a dark blue polo shirt with his jeans. Neither needed a jacket.

“What are you thinking?” Giles broke the quiet walk with his question.

Carolee ran her fingers through her bangs, as was her nervous habit, and chewed on her lower lip. “Well, actually, I was thinking about Cordelia. On the show, she died, but obviously she is really alive. Is Tara and Jenny and Anya alive too?” She turned to Giles with hope in her eyes.

He was quiet for a moment, keeping his eyes downcast. “No. They died, just as you saw. See, Cordelia’s death was different. It was supernatural on the show. Remember, you never actually saw her die, or saw a body. But everything that you witnessed in Sunnydale actually happened.”

“Oh.” Carolee glanced at Giles then and she saw his sad expression. “I was hoping that wasn’t the case.”

They reached the café then, and Giles chose a secluded table under a giant Oak tree. There was hardly any traffic yet, and it was a serene setting. The waitress greeted them almost immediately. “Hello, I’m Heidi. Fine morning we are having isn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s beautiful.” Giles turned his gaze upon Carolee and gave her a soft smile. She blushed slightly and then opened the menu.

“Can I start you off with some coffee this morning?” Heidi asked the couple.

“I think I’d like a cup of tea. Earl Grey if you have it?”

“You bet. And for you?” She gave Carolee a kind look.

Carolee shut her menu and nodded her head. “I’ll have the same, please.”

Heidi smiled and gathered up their menus. It was mere moments later when she set two tea cups and a small pot of hot water on their table. “Holler if you need anything else.” She gave them a beaming smile and then left them to their privacy.

Carolee sipped at her tea and felt Giles’s eyes upon her. When she looked up, she saw that he was looking at her intently, curiously, but not unkindly.

“A penny for my thoughts again?”

He smiled. “I’m sure your thoughts are worth more than a mere penny.”

Carolee set down her tea and clasped her hands together on the table. “Actually, I’m wondering what you are thinking about. When it comes to you, I’m pretty much an open book.” She unwittingly gave him one of her adoring looks, and he blushed, took his glasses off, and began to polish them with the linen napkin.

“Giles, why did you push me away? You said I didn’t do anything wrong, but I still don’t understand.”

He replaced his glasses and met her gaze. He could see that she was very nervous and insecure. She sat slumped in her seat, and she was basically wringing her hands on the table top. He reached out with his own hands and gently placed them on top of her own. He gave them a soft squeeze. Carolee’s eyes fell upon his hands covering her own, and then she looked up to find him looking at her with a serious expression.

“I’ll try to explain it as best I can. It helps knowing that you are aware of my past. You know what happened to Jenny. She was the first person I ever had feelings for, and she was killed because of what I do.”

Carolee shook her head. “No, Giles. It was not your fault. She was dishonest with you from the beginning. If she had told you the truth, then Angelus might never have been resurrected. It was her dishonesty that was at fault as much as anything else. And you couldn’t control any of that.”

Giles released her hands and gripped his tea cup. “Yes, well, I thank you for saying so, but…”

“It’s not something you’ll ever let go, is it?”

He sipped from his now tepid tea before meeting her brown eyes. “No, I don’t think I ever will.”

She gave him a small smile. “That’s okay. It’s one of the things I love about you. Your loyalty and selflessness knows no bounds.”

He bent his head, embarrassed by her compliments. Then he turned back to her with a serious look. “I distanced myself from you precisely because I care about you. I want you to be safe. I want to protect you. I want to protect you from me, and the work I do.”

“Giles, you can’t protect me. Life is dangerous. We could leave this café and I could be hit by a car crossing the street. What kind of life is that, being paranoid and worrying all the time? Sometimes, you just have to have faith. And I have faith in you. You can’t keep me safe. Not all the time. My life is better with you in it. I hope that your life will be better because I am by your side. I think that love is a gift, and we shouldn’t deny ourselves of that just because we are scared. What is the point of living and fighting every single day, if it’s just to put up walls against others? We fight so that we can live. And there is no life without love.”

Carolee smirked at him a moment. “You might think I’m like a stalker chick or something, but remember the episode, Passions?” Carolee closed her eyes as she concentrated and recited the passage that she had memorized:

“Buffy: Sometimes I wonder if any good ever comes of it.

Giles: Comes of what?

Buffy: Falling in love. Letting your emotions call the shots for you. Because if there is an upside, I'm sure I haven't come across it. You're right about that rule of yours. You're the Watcher, I'm the Slayer...we don't have the luxury of passion. Life's easier without it.

Giles: Yes. It's just not...life.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him expectantly. Carolee had never made such a long speech in her life before. She was actually quite proud of herself as she sat there looking at the man she loved. Their eyes were locked together, and she didn’t move or hardly breathe wondering what he was thinking.

Giles recalled the dialogue himself, picking up where she left off:

“Passion. It lies in all of us - sleeping, waiting and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir - opens its jaws and howl. Passion is the source of our finest moments - the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It speaks to us, guides us - passion rules us and we obey. What other choice do we have? It hurts - sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we would know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow - empty rooms, shuttered and dark. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.“

“You know, Buffy said nearly the same thing to me last night.” He smiled at her softly. “Only in not so many words, of course.”

They both grinned at that. Buffy and big words were not related in any way, shape, or form.

“Well then, I think you should listen to the women in your life.” Carolee smiled at him, and he returned it, nodding his head.

Carolee finished her tea and then took the pot and filled both their cups. “Giles, I’m not saying we should rush into anything. I want to take it slow. I mean,” and she floundered here, trying to figure out how to tell him she was inexperienced. Then she remembered the demon in the parking lot at work and recalled that’d he know that already. Wow, that night seemed so long ago, and not merely days. She sat down the teapot and watched Heidi chatting with another table, gathering her thoughts. Giles was patient, letting her take all the time she needed and not pressing her.

She sighed and glanced back to Giles. “In truth, we just met. There are many things we have yet to explore with each other. Besides, I’ve always wanted to be courted.” She gave him a shy smile.

He leaned over and placed his warm hand on top of hers again. “I think that’s a splendid idea. An old fashioned courtship, where I can sweep you off your feet.” His smile radiated inside of her like the sun.

“So, does that mean I’m staying here in Whispering Pines for awhile then? Or do I have to return to my old life?” She frowned asking the question. Giles could sense her thoughts and chuckled.

“I was hoping you’d stay here. There is plenty of room at the manor, and I’d like to work on your training. There is always something evil afoot, or an apocalypse to avert.”

Carolee smiled, and then reflected for a moment. “How do we do all that? I mean, what about my old life? I can’t let the Caroleebot go on forever, and I miss Baby, my cat. Do you like cats?”

He laughed again at all her questions, but not in an unkind way. “I love animals. We’ll get Baby this very afternoon. And, you are right about the Caroleebot. I think you should probably make arrangements to quit your job. You won’t want or need for anything with our Council funds. And you’ll have to tell your family…something.” He frowned a bit then. “Probably not the truth.”

She didn’t want to lie to her parents. They’d come up with something that wasn’t a lie, but not quite the truth either. She didn’t want her family to worry about her. Her mom and sister had watched the show, so they’d know the basics. That would worry them in itself. “I don’t know what to tell my family. That will be difficult, to say the least.”

“You two want anything else?” Heidi filled their half empty water glasses and prepared to bus their table.

Giles looked to his companion and then nodded at Heidi. “Thank you, but I think were done. Just the check please.”

“You bet. Here you go, and I’m your cashier whenever you’re ready.”

Giles reached for his wallet and threw some money on the table. “What do you say we head back to Eugene and grab Baby.” At her smile, he got up from the table and took her hand as they started the walk back.

Carolee turned to him, another question bursting from her lips. “So, if everything that happened in Sunnydale really…happened, that means that Willow went evil and tried to kill you, doesn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yes. But that was over two years ago, and Willow is different now.”

“I know. She’s redeemed herself and all that, but still. No one messes with my guy. It’s going to be hard for me to just forget that.”

He squeezed her hand lovingly. “I appreciate your care, but don’t hold that against her. She shows me in little ways every day how remorseful she is.”

Carolee nodded. “Yes, and I know your little speech, about how we must forgive others because they need it, and not because they earn it. It’s just hard when someone you care about has been hurt.”

Giles thought about Buffy, and Jenny, and the Council and all the loss he had endured over the years. He understood Carolee’s concerns. He let go of her hand so he could wrap his arm around her shoulder, holding her close to his side. They walked the rest of the way lost in their own thoughts, but they were together, and that’s what mattered.