Chapter 10

Buffy just sat and watched Giles sleep. He looked like such a little boy to her. His face was relaxed, and his worry lines had vanished from around his eyes and on his brow. He snored softly, and it warmed Buffy's heart.

She hadn't been that interested in anything from room service, especially after seeing the prices, so she had slipped out and grabbed a sandwich from a café in the lobby. She brought it back to her room and had eaten it there, just watching Giles sleep.

They would have to talk, she knew. She kept flashing back to earlier in Wesley's office, when their eyes had locked together. She knew then, without a doubt, that she could never leave Giles' side again. She wanted to get back on a plane and back to Europe with him as soon as possible.

But she was also confused. Her and Giles' relationship was an always changing one. There were times when a deep chasm of guilt and pain and misunderstandings had separated them. Europe had been a healing time, however. Though they had never discussed the pain of the past, it had seemed to her that they had put it all behind them. Their bond was stronger than ever. They had crossed the chasm and were standing together on the same side once again.

Then she had learned about Spike's return.

She cared about Spike. She really did. But she wasn't in love with him. And his eyes, when they pierced hers, never made her stomach all queasy like Giles' look just had created.

Also, Buffy was curious as to Giles' reaction towards Spike ever since he had arrived here in LA. She knew the two were not bosom buddies, especially after the Wood incident, when Giles served as a distraction so that Wood could try and kill Spike. That had been a major bad time for Buffy and Giles. But she had forgiven Giles, and they had made peace. So what was it?

Buffy picked up her soiled napkins and walked into the bathroom to dispose of the trash. That's when it hit her. Giles must have found out that Spike had attacked her.

How?

"Xander." She whispered. "I'm going to slay him!"

Buffy gripped at the sink, staring into the drain.

Most of the time, Buffy didn't think about it. She had blocked the entire incident from her mind. And she realized that the Spike that had attacked her did not have a soul. She had forgiven him, and let it go. Mostly. She and Willow had talked about it once. Willow had wanted to know why Buffy hadn't told Giles. Buffy had made some excuse about not wanting to hurt Giles. She had wanted to protect him. Plus, she felt partly responsible. After all, her relationship with Spike prior to that had been abusive on equal sides. But mostly, Buffy was afraid of the look in Giles' eyes, if he knew the truth. She felt dirty and guilty when she remembered the past. After all that had happened, she wasn't the same person that had crawled out of the grave, and into Spike's arms. She didn't want to see the hurt and disappointment in her Watcher's eyes if he knew about that incident. She was afraid the chasm would open up once again.

Buffy turned the faucet on, letting the water flow into the sink. She cupped the cold water and splashed and rubbed her face with it trying to wash away the memories, the fear, and the pain. Tears had formed in her eyes and made tracks down her cheeks, so she scrubbed viciously until her skin was red and free of the tears. Buffy turned off the faucet and finally glanced up into the mirror to inspect her face. That is when she saw Giles' reflection in the mirror. He was standing just outside the doorway watching her.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

There he stood, so solid, so caring, so there for her. He wasn't looking at her as if she was filth. He didn't look as if he was disappointed in her. He just looked at her with concern. Their eyes locked again, and the chasm fell away. Buffy's doubts and anxieties of the last few minutes evaporated, and her heart filled with only Giles. She slowly walked up to him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and pulled him into a gentle hug.

"I'm okay now, Giles. I'm always okay when I'm with you." She shivered as he ran his fingers down the back of her neck, and through her hair. He rested his chin on the top of her head, smelling her lavender shampoo. She felt his heart beating fiercely in his chest.

She didn't pull away from him, but she had to ask. "You know what he did, don't you." It wasn't really a question, but a statement. She felt his intake of breath, but he didn't pull away. He sighed, and wrapped his arms fully around her, holding her even closer. "No one will ever hurt you again, Buffy. Never again."

The tears were running down both of their faces now, and neither cared.

"It was my fault, Buffy. I should have been there for you."

She did pull back a bit at that, so she could look up into his troubled face. She shook her head, "No, Giles. It wasn't your fault." She didn't convince him, but he was grateful she said it. "That's one of the reasons why I never told you. I knew you would take some of the blame, and it wasn't so."

"One of the reasons? What are the others?" He smiled slightly as he asked, even though it was one of the most serious conversations they had ever had. He wanted her to tell him for her own good. It was like the time back in Sunnydale High after Buffy had to kill Angel. Giles had made up a story about needing to know specifics of the kill for a binding spell, but there had been no spell. He knew, somehow, that Buffy needed to purge herself of the memories and the pain then, just as he knew she needed to now.

She sighed, looking up at him. His face did not show any judgment. Just acceptance. "I was afraid you'd be disappointed in me, and think I was dirty, because Giles, I am disappointed in me, and I've felt so filthy since then."

His eyes shown with tears. "Buffy, I could never be disappointed in you. Not ever. And you are the most beautiful, graceful woman I've ever known." He swallowed. "I… " he faltered. "Buffy, I love you."

His face grew panic stricken at his words. What would she do or say now?

She placed her hand on his cheek, making his eyes meet hers. "I know. And I love you too." His eyebrows flew up in surprise. "Giles, I think I've always loved you. I just didn't know it until you left. And then, it was too late."

"It's never too late, Buffy."

He slowly brought his velvet lips down to hers, kissing her lightly. It was as if a soft feather brushed her lips. When he pulled back, he only saw love shining in her eyes. She again pulled him into a hug. He never wanted to let go of her. She kissed his ear and then whispered, "You make me feel beautiful Giles. You heal me. Your touch heals me."

The telephone shrilled loudly, causing them both to jump in surprise. "Bloody hell." Giles muttered. Buffy chuckled. "Whoever it is, it better be important."

"They have bloody awful timing." He smiled down at her. She reluctantly pulled out of his arms, and snatched the phone up. "Hello?" she said with exasperation, flopping down on the edge of the bed.

"Hi, Buffy!"

"Oh, hello, Willow." Buffy rolled her eyes at her Watcher. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.

"Yes, Will, he's here and fine. It was close."

Willow had explained that she had phoned Wesley to see if Giles had made it safely to Wolfram and Hart, and he had told her of their exciting afternoon. Willow had been scared, and needed to talk to Giles himself to know that he was okay. Buffy handed the phone over to her Watcher.

"Hullo? Yes, Willow, I'm fine, thank you."

As Giles talked with Willow, Buffy got an idea, and grinned at him. He looked at her in confusion, but that looked changed into something all together different as he realized what Buffy was doing.

She had gotten up off the bed, and was standing in front of him, slowly unbuttoning her top. Ever so slowly, with a wicked grin on her face.

Giles couldn't get a word in edgewise on the phone. Willow was rambling on about something that had to do with Cleveland, but he wasn't really paying attention. He was riveted on Buffy standing before him, taunting him and teasing him, as she slowly undressed herself in front of him. His body was reacting violently, and Buffy's smile widened as she saw the evidence pushing up his jeans. He reached out with his free hand to touch her, or help her…he wasn't sure which, but she stepped back, staying out of his reach.

"Um, Willow? Willow? Willow!" The voice on the other end finally took a breath. "Willow, sorry, but…uh..something's come up.." Buffy laughed out loud at that. He grinned sheepishly. "I really need to ring off now. Thanks for the call. I'll phone you tomorrow." And without another word, he hung up on her.

"Well, that was weird." Willow replaced the cordless phone on the base, turning to Xander. He quirked his eyebrows at her, curious. "What?" He asked. "Isn't Giles okay?"

"Oh, yes. He seems to be fine. It's only…he just hung up on me!"

"Really? What was he doing?"

"I'm not sure. I found him in Buffy's room…he said something was up, and he hung up."

"He was in Buffy's room? As in Hotel room?"

Willow nodded.

Xander's face broke out into a grin. "Go G. Man!"

Willow looked at him with confusion for a moment, until it began to dawn on her. "Oh. OH!" Then her grin matched Xander's.

Chapter 11